Feminist Weddings FTW

A few weeks ago we had another couple over for a dinner party who also happen to be engaged.  We got to talking about our weddings and my friend mentioned a movement of brides wearing pants.  I knew exactly what she was talking about, the new feature on A Practical Wedding, my favorite wedding blog.  She said her other engaged friend had turned her on to it.  Similarly, I've convinced my co-worker wedding blogs are worthwhile by introducing her to it.  It's only fair since it was a former co-worker of mine who shared it with me. 

What kind of wedding blog attracts this much word of mouth enthusiasm from a bunch of lady law students and abortion rights activists?  A feminist one, of course.  Women whose life plans include changing the world are pretty choosy about their online wedding content.  And, it turns out, how they like to get married.

Some people say that "feminist wedding" is an oxymoron.  I've gotten a few sideways glances at my (quite sparkly) engagement ring.  And I've seen many turn up their noses at the word "wife." 

But what I think these reactions miss is that getting married isn't a tacit endorsement of the status quo.  More than ever I hear people, engaged and married people, saying things like "I never thought marriage was for me," or "I was so conflicted about marriage."  But usually these sentences are followed up with, "so then I..." and some explanation of how they did it differently so as to reclaim it for themselves and their partners.

People are not getting married thoughtlessly, as many a rude commenter who loves to bring up Kim Kardashian would have you believe.  Young people are engaging with the institution of marriage in a thoughtful and increasingly progressive way.  For us, getting married isn't signing on some misogynistic, heteronormative dotted line, it's a chance to rewrite the rules little by little to create a revolution. 

Some may still opt out, but all our choices are valid, a feminist principle in itself, and one presented beautifully by my friend (and now recent APW convert) Morgan Hopkins in her blog post on feminist marriage.  That's right, we're taking to the internet to edge out "best day of your life" and "it's YOUR BIG DAY" with some serious (and also pretty) feminist commentary on our weddings. 

So go ahead and pin those peony bouquets, pen that tear jerking ceremony, and embark on a feminist forever.  It's not a fairytale, we promise.